As adults, we often experience uncomfortable situations that cause increased heart racing and sweaty palms or racing thoughts, all signs of anxiety but with without the proper skills to control typical episodes of “normal” anxiety, teens become victims of mental health disorders such as General Anxiety Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, even to the extreme of Selective Mutism. With the appropriate guidance, and by modeling healthy ways of coping with anxiety, parents can help teens to understand that anxiety is a normal emotion and doesn’t have to be a regular part of life.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to let kids avoid uncomfortable situations, but to ease their discomfort, it sends a message that when I can’t cope, I can get past the feeling by escaping the situation. Parents, this a BIG NO! It’s extremely important to reassure your kiddo that things will be fine even if the worse case scenario happens. But with empathy and patience, parents can instill confidence and children learn that when they face their fears, they will encounter less anxiety each time they are called outside of their comfort zone. By letting your child know that it’s ok to be afraid through maintaining a calm and steady tone and matching body language, and modeling calm behavior, the child will learn to be fine also.
Here are some helpful hints to help your child or teen overcome the early signs of excessive worry.
Help your child manage anxiety, not eliminate it.
As parents, we want our children to be happy at all costs, but removing unpleasant events is not the answer. When we teach our children to work through feelings of worry and over thinking, we show them how to move through life with resilience and they begin to understand that they will overcome. By eliminating stressors that seemingly reduce anxiety, it becomes a learned coping response that will continue to repeat itself.
Be Realistic
As parents, we cannot erase all uncomfortable situations and it is irrational and unfair to promise that life will never be difficult, but we can promise them to help them through challenging experiences. When we challenge children and teens to face their ultimate fears, they will gain inner resilience as their levels of uncertainty gradually subside and they become more secure that we as parents will never ask them to do or get through anything that they cannot handle.
Help your child through their anxiety
The best thing to do when a child begins to feel anxious about a situation is to try to help them to refocus. Engage them in activities or even conversations that help them not to focus on their ruminating thoughts that lead to anxious responses. By engaging in pleasurable thoughts and pursuits, it allows the anxiety to drop over time, naturally which triggers the brain to feel the sensation less.
Respect the fears and insecurities but don’t legitimize them
When we experience uncertainty, we may indeed experience stomach cramps, develop a headache or become visibly shaky because it is our bodies way of reacting to a new and unknown situation, so when kiddos experience these anxious symptoms, it’s important to validate and de-escalate. For example, if you observe nervous behavior, address it. “Are you nervous about the test tomorrow?” “How are you feeling about the big football game?” Through an intentional conversation, listen to their concern, validate their fears and re-assure them lovingly as this breaks the mental cycle of anxious thought and all or nothing fears. Role playing or talking through your child’s worse fears also helps prepare them for their perceived fear of the unknown. By providing a plan of action, your child will become empowered with confidence that they can handle whatever comes their way.