It seems like yesterday was the last day of school and now it’s time to get school supplies, update school wardrobes, prepare for back-to-school night, meet new teachers and reunite with old friends. As a parent, I was both excited for my kids to get back to a normal routine but also nervous about what the new year would bring for my kids socially, emotionally and academically. Not to mention what hat I would need to wear to navigate them through their adversities. So, if we as parents feel anxiety about the new school year, just imagine what our kiddos are feeling, overthinking or internalizing as the dreaded first day approaches. When we pause to think about not only our feelings but those of our young ones, we have no choice but to take the reins and do whatever that we can to diminish any feelings of angst and restructure thoughts of excitement of the endless possibilities that the new year brings.
Structure
I cannot stress enough how children and teens thrive within a structured environment. Here are some ways that you can initiate structure in your home:
-Early shutdown and bedtime
-Screen time cutoffs to include a turn in table for all electronic devices
-School morning prep (papers signed, homework checked, lunches prepared, school clothes picked out and backpacks at the front door)
-Prepare as a family a visual calendar system in your child’s room or a central location
Boundaries
Back to school is the perfect time for a family meeting to discuss what worked and what didn’t work the previous school year. As parents, it is a great time to re-establish boundaries and reinforce expectations. What that looks like is individual to your family but could include the above list but could also include discussing chores and social time.
Family Meetings
I highly recommend family meetings as a way for the family to be seen and heard on a weekly basis as it a proven way to solidify your family. I have met with many parents who resisted implementing this into their family routine but the feedback (as well as what it has produced in my personal life) is priceless. Having time to discuss both the positive and negative of the week helps all family members to compartmentalize stressors that may otherwise build up between siblings or parent/child. This carved out time is also a great way to celebrate accomplishments such as test scores, team events or even completing chores around the house without being told. Believe me, the reaction from recognition is priceless. As a family, you can also plan events for the family to look forward to such as holidays or future vacations. Believe me, you may roll your eyes at this suggestion, but I guarantee you, you will thank me later.
Set Goals
Just as there are parent/teacher conferences and employee evaluations, take the time to sit with your children one on one and discuss their goals for the year. What do their grades look like or what sports or clubs would they like to be involved in? Wherever your child is, inspire them in that area. It may be as simple as becoming more involved or encouraging them outside of their comfort zone. As a parent, I didn’t take I don’t know as an answer and insisted that if they didn’t know, they had better figure it out. This always led to them being creative and finding their own lane to thrive in because I consistently inquired about their progress so they learned that if I didn’t give up on being involved, they couldn’t give up. I have met with far too many children and teens who lacked motivation and inspiration and who specifically would say, “If my parents don’t care, then why should I?” These replies broke my heart because what we do and don’t do as parents “matter.”
Listen and Pay Attention
As parents, we really need to get to know how our children/teens operate. We need to be in tune with their body language, eye contact and tone of voice. When we know the baseline for our individual kid’s energy, then when these inflections change, we are already on the alert that a “nothing is wrong” means “everything is wrong.” Am I suggesting that we as parents should know and be aware of everything going on with our kids? Absolutely not, but we should have a gut stirring that something is amiss. That’s why family meetings and one on one time are so important because it opens the lines of consistent communication. Take off the judgmental hat and sit with where your kiddos are at as opposed as to where you think that they should be.
Finally, make sure that your student feels heard, loved and that you have their back no matter what comes their way over the next nine months because as usual, when you feel calm, they feel calm. Take a minute to celebrate another summer vacation, buckle up and get ready for another year down! Congratulations Mom and Dad!